Nurses are a funny bunch. Ninety percent are female and (guessing) three quarters are on their second marriage; the other portion of them are either newlyweds or vehemently single (after being divorced). One in a few hundred are still happily married to their first love.
In observing them (from my desk perch at the nurse's station), I've noticed a few generalities:
1. Nurses tend to want to be needed and enjoy (to a point) having to take care of someone and "fix" them.
2. Nurses pour themselves into their work with little or no return from the patient (emotional or otherwise).
3. Nurses don't like confrontation and learn to be passive-aggressive.
There are always exceptions and, as a whole, a good nursing floor becomes like an extended family where true interaction, conversation, and support happens on a daily basis. After all, we spend 1/3 of our lives together in close proximity and go through life and (yes) alot of "the valley of death" even on the calm floors.
Perhaps, the key to their working relationships is just that, we are forced to work together. Not for the paycheck, but because we have a common goal. If a nurse has a tough patient, we all feel it, we all help, we all listen, whether we like it or not, whether we like them or not.
If you become isolated and withdrawn on a nursing floor, you'll quit, which is a known weak spot and weapon. If someone doesn't help others or carry their load, they become shunned in increasing degrees. Sooner or later, the offender either comes around or quits.
I wonder if the same things happen in marriage; unequal loads lead to isolation which leads to quitting and then divorce.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Yes, you can believe in Santa Claus (still being written).
Why do we lie to our kids?
Why do we play make-believe?
Why do we tell them there is a Santa Claus?
Do we tell them about violence and death? Probably not. A toddler's mind tends to incorporate any problem or threat as a threat to themselves. For example, a violent act on TV is interpreted as a potential violent act to them; after all, it's "happening" only a few feet away from their faces. So, we shield our kids from the truth of violence, war, death, and alot of other things to protect them from trauma.
Do we tell them about the daily struggle for money, food, and shelter? Hopefully not when they're very young. Children are not (with child-labor laws and such) responsible for the financial well-being of the family and, if they cannot affect the family finances, mental stress on the child is pointless and a bit cruel.
If withholding the truth is a lie about reality, then we lie to protect our kids from trauma and things in this world that are beyond their control, but the more appropriate term, I think, is fantasy.
Do we tell them cheaters never prosper? Most of us do. Do we believe it... probably not. Parents teach their children fables to instill morals that don't always jive with what is easy or real life. By the time most kids have gotten into kindergarten, they've figured out the truth. Are they somehow crushed by the truth of the realization that their parents lied to them, or do they see the value in the lesson and continue to teach other children the same? Most fables are idyllic and not realistic.
A fantasy world is idyllic.
Is that a lie?
We tell them things that help them grow.
We tell them things that bring them joy or prevent despair even if they'll find out on their own later in life.
We tell them things that have a moral even if it isn't always true to "real" life.
Will you discourage make-believe and play?
Will you teach your children morals, even if it's a fable?
Will you let Santa get in the way of Christ?
To tell kids there is a Santa is fun make-believe and good imagination.
To tell kids about Santa teaches that there are rewards for being good, even if life says otherwise.
To tell kids about Santa does not preclude Christ unless you let it.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Let your children be children until they have to grow up.
I'm sure your girls will be fine women and so will your grand-babies down the road.
Santa will not prevent that any more than the fantasy we let our children live in every day to protect them from the other "realities" all around them.
Why do we play make-believe?
Why do we tell them there is a Santa Claus?
Do we tell them about violence and death? Probably not. A toddler's mind tends to incorporate any problem or threat as a threat to themselves. For example, a violent act on TV is interpreted as a potential violent act to them; after all, it's "happening" only a few feet away from their faces. So, we shield our kids from the truth of violence, war, death, and alot of other things to protect them from trauma.
Do we tell them about the daily struggle for money, food, and shelter? Hopefully not when they're very young. Children are not (with child-labor laws and such) responsible for the financial well-being of the family and, if they cannot affect the family finances, mental stress on the child is pointless and a bit cruel.
If withholding the truth is a lie about reality, then we lie to protect our kids from trauma and things in this world that are beyond their control, but the more appropriate term, I think, is fantasy.
Do we tell them cheaters never prosper? Most of us do. Do we believe it... probably not. Parents teach their children fables to instill morals that don't always jive with what is easy or real life. By the time most kids have gotten into kindergarten, they've figured out the truth. Are they somehow crushed by the truth of the realization that their parents lied to them, or do they see the value in the lesson and continue to teach other children the same? Most fables are idyllic and not realistic.
A fantasy world is idyllic.
Is that a lie?
We tell them things that help them grow.
We tell them things that bring them joy or prevent despair even if they'll find out on their own later in life.
We tell them things that have a moral even if it isn't always true to "real" life.
Will you discourage make-believe and play?
Will you teach your children morals, even if it's a fable?
Will you let Santa get in the way of Christ?
To tell kids there is a Santa is fun make-believe and good imagination.
To tell kids about Santa teaches that there are rewards for being good, even if life says otherwise.
To tell kids about Santa does not preclude Christ unless you let it.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Let your children be children until they have to grow up.
I'm sure your girls will be fine women and so will your grand-babies down the road.
Santa will not prevent that any more than the fantasy we let our children live in every day to protect them from the other "realities" all around them.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
An open letter to a friend
I read your November 6th blog entry (I read them all and check back almost daily). After reading it, something in the next blog on my daily reading list caught my attention; I see a correlation.
"Reason #3 we talk about grace is because it threatens the self-righteous. This is a good thing. Self-righteous people, whether they are unsaved and don't think they need a savior, or already saved and prideful-- are threatened by grace because it erases any merit from human comparisons. People actually love to be reminded that 'nobody's perfect' because misery loves company, and because once we grow comfortable with imperfection, standards for greatness revolve around comparing our lives to the lives of other people. No one in this camp would ever admit it, but they are secretly grateful for the Hitlers and Stalins of the world. They allow us to feel so much better about ourselves. Grace, however, does not allow such self-satisfaction. Needing grace forces us to accept the truth about ourselves, that since the standard is absolute perfection rather than comparative goodnes, we need saving just as much as a Saddam Hussein did. That Mother Theresa needed rescuing just as much as Osama Bin Laden does. And this is always painful. But it is also always necessary-- "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6)."
Perhaps our church's problem resides in the self-righteous' reaction to the "outside," which, as Josh (the above blogger) points out is a bit of a co-dependent relationship. If the heathens or other "offenders" come to the full realization Grace, which induces Faith, than the self-righteous system falls apart. In a nutshell, some must be denied grace in order for self-righteousness to propagate. Therefore, if I allow full grace to someone and validate it with unhindered, no-strings-attached, bread breaking or celebration, I condemn and validate my own sin, which, in a system with no grace, is a scary place; live by the sword, die by the sword.
Just a thought.
"Reason #3 we talk about grace is because it threatens the self-righteous. This is a good thing. Self-righteous people, whether they are unsaved and don't think they need a savior, or already saved and prideful-- are threatened by grace because it erases any merit from human comparisons. People actually love to be reminded that 'nobody's perfect' because misery loves company, and because once we grow comfortable with imperfection, standards for greatness revolve around comparing our lives to the lives of other people. No one in this camp would ever admit it, but they are secretly grateful for the Hitlers and Stalins of the world. They allow us to feel so much better about ourselves. Grace, however, does not allow such self-satisfaction. Needing grace forces us to accept the truth about ourselves, that since the standard is absolute perfection rather than comparative goodnes, we need saving just as much as a Saddam Hussein did. That Mother Theresa needed rescuing just as much as Osama Bin Laden does. And this is always painful. But it is also always necessary-- "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6)."
Perhaps our church's problem resides in the self-righteous' reaction to the "outside," which, as Josh (the above blogger) points out is a bit of a co-dependent relationship. If the heathens or other "offenders" come to the full realization Grace, which induces Faith, than the self-righteous system falls apart. In a nutshell, some must be denied grace in order for self-righteousness to propagate. Therefore, if I allow full grace to someone and validate it with unhindered, no-strings-attached, bread breaking or celebration, I condemn and validate my own sin, which, in a system with no grace, is a scary place; live by the sword, die by the sword.
Just a thought.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Wedding, the Ring, and Remembrance
Note: In an attempt to tie together the three milestones of the Christian walk, I used the following as a short talk before presenting my newly baptized daughter with her first communion. It seems to have been well received, but I did it as a power-point presentation. I'm going to try and flesh it out in an essay form.
The Wedding (part1)
In Isaiah 61 and again in Matthew chapter nine, our relationship with God is described in terms of a wedding. In saying "I do" to the all-encompassing call of God-the-lover, to return to his arms, as a prodigal bride, renouncing the rebel yell of sin (of which Satan is merely the flag bearer, not the origin), in our wedding vow, we begin the first step (self-invited or not) of the Christian journey called Salvation.
I personally accepted Christ's call when I was in first grade. A fire-and-brimstone preacher came to my small Brethren school. During chapel service, he presented a picture of damnation so vivid and real that, when I lay in bed that night, with trembling fear and sincerity, I accepted the lifeline to heaven with a simple silent prayer. In my bed, face down in my pillow with tears or anxiety and relief, I went to sleep for the first time (even at that young age) knowing that, if I died, I would go to heaven. It was a feeling of complete security and faith that I have never experienced since.
Everyone who takes part in baptism first publicly acknowledges their salvation (the wedding vow). My oldest daughter Alexi, when she came us with her desire to be baptized, told my wife that she had accepted Christ silently in her bed just like I had twenty-five years previous.
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. No matter what might happen, I knew I'd see her again in heaven. That night, our family danced together at a wedding feast (one that might be mirrored down-the-road).
The Wedding (part1)
In Isaiah 61 and again in Matthew chapter nine, our relationship with God is described in terms of a wedding. In saying "I do" to the all-encompassing call of God-the-lover, to return to his arms, as a prodigal bride, renouncing the rebel yell of sin (of which Satan is merely the flag bearer, not the origin), in our wedding vow, we begin the first step (self-invited or not) of the Christian journey called Salvation.
I personally accepted Christ's call when I was in first grade. A fire-and-brimstone preacher came to my small Brethren school. During chapel service, he presented a picture of damnation so vivid and real that, when I lay in bed that night, with trembling fear and sincerity, I accepted the lifeline to heaven with a simple silent prayer. In my bed, face down in my pillow with tears or anxiety and relief, I went to sleep for the first time (even at that young age) knowing that, if I died, I would go to heaven. It was a feeling of complete security and faith that I have never experienced since.
Everyone who takes part in baptism first publicly acknowledges their salvation (the wedding vow). My oldest daughter Alexi, when she came us with her desire to be baptized, told my wife that she had accepted Christ silently in her bed just like I had twenty-five years previous.
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. No matter what might happen, I knew I'd see her again in heaven. That night, our family danced together at a wedding feast (one that might be mirrored down-the-road).
Sunday, August 16, 2009
No need to deceive
It is not by altering our testimony that we are to hope to win an audience, and it is not by hiding the light of the gospel under a bushel that you or I shall discharge our obligations to our Lord. We must speak up for Christ, and so speak up for Him that men will be moved to ask us the question, "What is thy Beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?" ~Spurgeon
To deceive is to lie.
A prayer meeting disguised as a party
Is a lie.
A sermon made to look like a party
Is a lie.
An "Alpha" meeting billed as a party
Is a lie.
Good intentions, if put in anything but the truth,
Is a lie.
The main purpose of a gathering is what it is.
If it isn't a party, don't say it is.
If it is a prayer meeting at the stroke of midnight, say so.
If it is a class, not a party, say so.
Why hide the intention of something?
If it is boring, spice it up.
If it is tedious, help it move along.
If it is complicated, teach it well.
But don't lie about it.
To deceive is to lie.
A prayer meeting disguised as a party
Is a lie.
A sermon made to look like a party
Is a lie.
An "Alpha" meeting billed as a party
Is a lie.
Good intentions, if put in anything but the truth,
Is a lie.
The main purpose of a gathering is what it is.
If it isn't a party, don't say it is.
If it is a prayer meeting at the stroke of midnight, say so.
If it is a class, not a party, say so.
Why hide the intention of something?
If it is boring, spice it up.
If it is tedious, help it move along.
If it is complicated, teach it well.
But don't lie about it.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Diagraming Linguistic Dysfunction
When was the last time you actually dissected a sentence and did the complete diagram of each word? Me? Sophomore year of High School. Aside from that, my only other opportunities have been in helping struggling high school students as a tutor. Other than a brief explanation of sentence structure in late elementary school and again sometime in highschool, I assert that it has no place in the teaching of basic to mid-level reading and writing.
At this point, most academics have probably turned the channel or are now reading in a hyper-sensitive defensive posture, but hear out my point.
Let's face facts, most American students are poor writers and mediocre readers. They will not become teachers, journalists, or novelists. So, when faced with the finer points of linguist grammar, they are forced against an insurmountable wall. Consequently, they begin to see writing as an abstract process and give up on improving on the knowledge and skills they already have.
American schools have been putting the cart before the horse for some time. We need to focus on producing functionally literate readers and then writers. What's the point of making them graph sentences and dissect participles, if they are dysfunctional in basic phonics and language. All of the sciences, with the possible exception of basic math, are based on the reading and comprehension of other's writing of ideas. How then, can we expect our students to excel if they don't understand how to read those ideas?
Further, people learn by imitation. Doesn't is then stand to reason that students learn to write by reading others' writings? Perhaps, the current dysfunction we see in students is not so much a comment on their abilities, but rather a damning conviction of their scholarly upbringing.
At this point, most academics have probably turned the channel or are now reading in a hyper-sensitive defensive posture, but hear out my point.
Let's face facts, most American students are poor writers and mediocre readers. They will not become teachers, journalists, or novelists. So, when faced with the finer points of linguist grammar, they are forced against an insurmountable wall. Consequently, they begin to see writing as an abstract process and give up on improving on the knowledge and skills they already have.
American schools have been putting the cart before the horse for some time. We need to focus on producing functionally literate readers and then writers. What's the point of making them graph sentences and dissect participles, if they are dysfunctional in basic phonics and language. All of the sciences, with the possible exception of basic math, are based on the reading and comprehension of other's writing of ideas. How then, can we expect our students to excel if they don't understand how to read those ideas?
Further, people learn by imitation. Doesn't is then stand to reason that students learn to write by reading others' writings? Perhaps, the current dysfunction we see in students is not so much a comment on their abilities, but rather a damning conviction of their scholarly upbringing.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
If Only She Could Find the Map
Her arms seem to bend in unnatural ways. In proportion to her body weight, her arms do seem too long for her frame. They have no definable muscle structure anymore, but somehow can still pick up a cup of coffee and gesture this way and that as she talks about the wonderful trip she's taking in her car (if only she could find the map that seems to be wedged under her emaciated frame).
In younger days, her legs carried her wherever she wanted to go, but now they are of no use and offer only a harbor for sores and scrapes which inevitably get infected and eat at what little flesh she has left. They are to her what fleas are to a dog, parasites that carry disease and leech energy from the rest of her body that still functions.
As we move her from place to place in the bed, in the never ending and ultimately terminal process of wound care, she grimaces, brought back momentarily to the present reality by the pain, but maintains a stoiclly smiling outlook on her situation. With each apology from the staff for the necessary and temporary pain of repositioning, she simply and softly says that all is "necessary and unavoidable" at her stage in life. Shortly after we're done, she returns to the great out-doors and the trip that seems so enjoyable... if only she could find the map.
I wonder when she will find that map and make it home, walk in the door, drink a cup of coffee, and close the door on the rest of us.
In younger days, her legs carried her wherever she wanted to go, but now they are of no use and offer only a harbor for sores and scrapes which inevitably get infected and eat at what little flesh she has left. They are to her what fleas are to a dog, parasites that carry disease and leech energy from the rest of her body that still functions.
As we move her from place to place in the bed, in the never ending and ultimately terminal process of wound care, she grimaces, brought back momentarily to the present reality by the pain, but maintains a stoiclly smiling outlook on her situation. With each apology from the staff for the necessary and temporary pain of repositioning, she simply and softly says that all is "necessary and unavoidable" at her stage in life. Shortly after we're done, she returns to the great out-doors and the trip that seems so enjoyable... if only she could find the map.
I wonder when she will find that map and make it home, walk in the door, drink a cup of coffee, and close the door on the rest of us.
Working at the Church
Working on projects at Grace Fellowship Church (GFC) have a peculiarity all their own. It usually means that no one else has volunteered to do the job.
It used to bother me that certain things never got done or seemed to languish in disrepair at the church, but then it occurred to me that no one else has the same view of the place as I do. I don't mean to infer that I alone have a singular vision for the church facilities that no one else can measure up to. Instead, no one has been either engaged or married to the defacto church/camp cook for over thirteen years. So, when I see that the steel pot-rack is rusting and flaking onto the large central cutting board in the upstairs kitchen, I assume that it should be (not just repainted) sandblasted and given several coats of good quality glossy black paint, not forgetting to quiz the local office ladies and the cleaning woman about the astetics of chrome chain hangers vs. matching black ones... and then painting the chain to match.
Perhaps, that has been one of the major problems with jobs around the GFC lodge. With only a few people involved previously with the day-to-day activities of the church, naturally, only a few had a special view of needs and could literally see them. Further, even if they could see the problems, they didn't have "ownership" of the building and processes built into their consciousness enough to feel empowered to fix them.
Having grown up in GFC, I have a paticular view about this place that most who come later in their lives and become members don't have; this is a second home to me. It's a place I've grown spiritually, but also mentaly and physically. It's a part of my permanent life memories and, as such, I know how it works. I've become a doer at GFC.
It used to bother me that certain things never got done or seemed to languish in disrepair at the church, but then it occurred to me that no one else has the same view of the place as I do. I don't mean to infer that I alone have a singular vision for the church facilities that no one else can measure up to. Instead, no one has been either engaged or married to the defacto church/camp cook for over thirteen years. So, when I see that the steel pot-rack is rusting and flaking onto the large central cutting board in the upstairs kitchen, I assume that it should be (not just repainted) sandblasted and given several coats of good quality glossy black paint, not forgetting to quiz the local office ladies and the cleaning woman about the astetics of chrome chain hangers vs. matching black ones... and then painting the chain to match.
Perhaps, that has been one of the major problems with jobs around the GFC lodge. With only a few people involved previously with the day-to-day activities of the church, naturally, only a few had a special view of needs and could literally see them. Further, even if they could see the problems, they didn't have "ownership" of the building and processes built into their consciousness enough to feel empowered to fix them.
Having grown up in GFC, I have a paticular view about this place that most who come later in their lives and become members don't have; this is a second home to me. It's a place I've grown spiritually, but also mentaly and physically. It's a part of my permanent life memories and, as such, I know how it works. I've become a doer at GFC.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A Question of Etiquette
How should one address another on July 4th?
Should one insert the holiday into the normal phrase, such as, "Happy July Fourth," or should it be more informative (in order to assert one's knowledge of the occation) such as, "Happy Independance-Day."
Another possible problem; the issue of independance varies between ethnic groups. One's independance day may not be anothers'. American Indians, African Americans, Japanese Americans (WWII), etc. In which case, the phrase "independance-day" may even be offensive. In which case, one might need to say, "Happy American Revolution Day," or "Happy Exuberant American Patriotism Day"... but that's a mouth full.
I've decided to be vague. Now, when I see a person on the street who is looking especially festive, I'll just say, "Happy Fourth" and assume they get it.
Should one insert the holiday into the normal phrase, such as, "Happy July Fourth," or should it be more informative (in order to assert one's knowledge of the occation) such as, "Happy Independance-Day."
Another possible problem; the issue of independance varies between ethnic groups. One's independance day may not be anothers'. American Indians, African Americans, Japanese Americans (WWII), etc. In which case, the phrase "independance-day" may even be offensive. In which case, one might need to say, "Happy American Revolution Day," or "Happy Exuberant American Patriotism Day"... but that's a mouth full.
I've decided to be vague. Now, when I see a person on the street who is looking especially festive, I'll just say, "Happy Fourth" and assume they get it.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Hospital Work
Tonight is slow and wants for something to do. It lingers all too long and unwanted within the confinds of my shift.
Perhaps I could clean, but I did that yesterday, which was much the same as tonight. I could finish the busy work that my supervisor lists for short episodes of bordome, but the previous shift already did it, seeming to be simalerly afflicted as myself. They could just send me home, but "what if."
I am here for two reasons: to do work and to be ready to do work when needed. Right now... I'm waiting to do work, even if I'm not needed yet.
Perhaps I could clean, but I did that yesterday, which was much the same as tonight. I could finish the busy work that my supervisor lists for short episodes of bordome, but the previous shift already did it, seeming to be simalerly afflicted as myself. They could just send me home, but "what if."
I am here for two reasons: to do work and to be ready to do work when needed. Right now... I'm waiting to do work, even if I'm not needed yet.
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